


a few choice words can sometimes be the (life) raft that gets you home

by heartfounded



Category: 9-1-1 (TV)
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Fluff and Angst, M/M, and eddie over thinks things, buck is a nerd, chis is adorable, no beta we die like men
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-14
Updated: 2020-04-14
Packaged: 2021-03-01 22:27:47
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,338
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23644621
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/heartfounded/pseuds/heartfounded
Summary: “Don’t you dare!”Eddie tried, and failed, to keep his smile to himself. How could he? When Chris was waving a frosting covered spatula dangerously close to Buck’s face.Frosting already in his curls and dotted across both of Chris’s cheeks, he smeared some on his chin in attempt to get Buck with it. He knew that getting him cleaned up might be a process – it was a gamble on how he might feel about water come bath time. On days like these, where he was happy and preoccupied with Buck, then it might go quickly. He’d see it more of a deterrent keeping him from ‘Bucky Time’ than a reminder of what they endured months ago.
Relationships: Christopher Diaz & Eddie Diaz (9-1-1 TV), Evan “Buck” Buckley/Eddie Diaz (9-1-1 TV)
Comments: 15
Kudos: 196





	a few choice words can sometimes be the (life) raft that gets you home

**a few choice words can sometimes be the life raft that gets you home**

“Don’t you dare!”

Eddie tried, and failed, to keep his smile to himself. How could he? When Chris was waving a frosting covered spatula dangerously close to Buck’s face.

Frosting already in his curls and dotted across both of Chris’s cheeks, he smeared some on his chin in attempt to get Buck with it. He knew that getting him cleaned up might be a process – it was a gamble on how he might feel about water come bath time. On days like these, where he was happy and preoccupied with Buck, then it might go quickly. He’d see it more of a deterrent keeping him from ‘Bucky Time’ than a reminder of what they endured months ago.

His smile faltered at the sobering thoughts. He knew that Chris was healing. The nightmares were less and less, spaced apart across weeks instead of hours. Handwashing and bath time were rarely met with tears. He was proud, relieved even, at the progress Chris has made. But he knew that progress wasn’t linear. He knew that as happy as Chris was now, the nightmares and the aversion to water could return without warning.

 _Would_ return - without reason or care for all the progress Chris had made.

It loomed over Eddie sometimes, that fear. So thick and dense at times that he struggled to appreciate the moments like these.

Buck cast a concerned glance across the table. Eddie shook his head letting Chris’s laughter pull him away from his stormy thoughts.

“Okay, superman.” He said, standing to walk around the small dining table before stopping behind Chris’s seat.

The cupcakes were covered in a neon green frosting – Chris was going through an alien phase and Buck insisted on the fluorescent food dye the last time he was over making slime.

“These look amazing, but I think it’s pajama time. Why don’t you go pick a pair out and then I’ll help you get cleaned up, okay?”

Chris admired his work for a second and Eddie steeled himself for an argument. He was already pushing a little past bedtime.

“Can Buck read to me after?” He asked, almost ignoring Eddie completely in favor of shining big, puppy eyes at Buck. Not that the look was needed.

“Of course, Superman!” Buck ruffled his curls with a quick laugh. “But we both gotta clean up first. _Someone_ got my nose with frosting.”

“Wasn’t me!” Chris shouted, pushing away from the table and fleeing towards his room.

Eddie knocked Buck’s hand away from putting up the cupcakes. He didn’t miss the wince the other attempted to hide.

“Hey,” He said quietly. “That applies to you too. I know you didn’t shower after the hospital. Baby wipes can only do so much, Buck.”

“And here I thought I smelled like roses.”

“Buck.”

“Buck _nothing_. I’m fine, Eds. Two broken ribs aren’t that bad. Just gotta take it _easy_.”

Except taking it easy for Buck had thus far included: driving straight over from the hospital, letting Chris use him as a monkey gym (till Eddie had gently reminded Chris that Buck was hurt), insisting on stirring the batter which had to have had jarred his ribs.

“There’s acetaminophen on the top shelf in the bathroom cabinet, you know where the towels are, and there’s some sweatpants and t-shirts in my dresser you can wear to bed.”

That Buck only nodded, retreating to Eddie’s bedroom and adjoining bathroom silently, told him how much he was hurting.

Bath time went smoothly, Christopher happily chatting about the afternoon with Buck. Eddie didn’t mind that he was getting a recap of an afternoon he was present for. He loved Chris’s perspective, what was memorable enough to him to earn a special mention.

Chris picked a book just in time for Buck to finish up in the shower. Eddie reigned in the snicker rising in his throat at the too short sweatpants.

He let them read alone, already saying goodnight to Chris and trusting Buck would do just fine with tucking him in having done it plenty times before. Not to mention the last time all three of them had squeezed into Chris’s bed had resulted in Eddie falling right on his ass. Chris giggled about for _days_.

Eddie found it easier to clean as he went when Buck was over, so there wasn’t much for him to tackle. No monstrous mess of flour. In part because Buck insisted on doing everything, only enlisting Chris to be his helper, and because it made this, cleaning up when all he wanted to do was fall into bed and sleep for a week, easier. And as a single dad he quickly learned how to maximize his time, squeezing activities into gaps to not miss so much time with Chris.

It wasn’t the worse call, all things considered. He turned over the events as he cleaned, glad for a small moment to think it over. It had been go, go, go the moment he had picked up Chris. All tenants accounted for in the end with only minor injuries. But it’d been the type of fire that indicated neglect on the landlord’s part, clearly valuing profit over safety. The structure had been more unstable than expected, sending Buck crashing through a floor that resulted in two broken ribs.

If Eddie felt like one giant, sore bruise than Buck had to be miserable.

Buck slipped out of Chris’s room. Silently, with practiced ease. How many times had Buck put him to bed now?

He looked exhausted. Without Chris to perform for, he deflated before Eddie.

Eddie was thankful Buck was at least, on some level, not hiding his pain. His heart squeezed painfully in chest, equal parts angry and… Eddie wasn’t sure what was sending his stomach into a small state of panic.

“As glad as I am you came over – I mean Chris absolutely adores you – but you didn’t have to push yourself for us, Buck. Chris and I both would’ve understood if you went home and slept for the next week.”

“I’m fine. Really.”

Eddie sighed, knowing they weren’t likely to get anywhere with this. Buck would insist he was fine, Eddie would insist he wasn’t okay as he was pretending. On and on it would go. They had played this game plenty of times before.

“Okay, how about a movie?” He suggested instead. They both were exhausted, and if he were alone, he’d likely be in bed already, but it wasn’t even nine yet and he was a little reluctant. Eddie wanted to be sure Buck was okay. To keep an eye on him.

Or so Eddie told himself.

“Nature documentary?”

Buck was such a nerd, but Eddie didn’t mind so he just nodded. Buck’s lopsided grin didn’t hurt either. Likely, Eddie would spend it trying to steal careful glances over at him. He grabbed a beer for himself and this juice Buck liked (which _only_ Buck liked, Chris insisted they buy it, not that he had needed much convincing to buy it or keep it stocked.)

Buck had picked one about the ocean and an easy silence fell between them as the vibrant colors flashed across the screen paired with a calming narration.

“Eds?”

“Mhm…”

“Blankets in the hall closet right?” Buck whispered.

He forced his eyes open, taking a second to make sense of the dark room and the credits rolling across the screen.

“Blankets?”

“Yeah, the kind you use for sleeping. So, hall closet?”

Eddie usually had the sheets and blankets out before Buck got here, most nights already planned for Buck to stay over, but with the long day it had slipped his mind. Buck knew where they were, where most everything was actually, so the asking was a courtesy. A ploy to get him into his own bed so Buck could stretch out.

“No.”

Buck’s chin pulled back. “What do you mean no? They’re always there.”

“I mean no you’re not sleeping on the couch.” He clarified.

“I’m not kicking you out of your bed. In your house. You don’t even fit on the couch, Eds.”

“You do.” He pointed out. “And you’re taller than I am, so. I’ll fit. Plus, there’s no way you’re sleeping on that thing with your ribs. Or your _leg_.”

“My leg is fine, thank you very much.”

Eddie sighed. “I’ll sleep with Chris.”

Buck snorted. “You’re gonna squish your poor kid, Eds. I’ll be fine. It’s not that bad. Seriously.”

Except it was. It was serious. He was lucky to walk away with just two broken ribs. They’d seen a lot worse from much less. If he had twisted a different way, fallen on something else instead of the table that broke his fall, it could’ve been his leg (again), his back. His neck.

And that terrified him.

“Fine.” Eddie huffed. “We can both sleep in my bed. It’s big enough.”

Buck was silent for a second. Eyes going wide before returning to normal. Quick enough that Eddie swore he imagined it. “Fine.” He agreed.

Getting comfortable wasn’t as difficult as he had feared. They had slept in the same room thousand of times before in the station. Falling asleep next to each other, in the same bed, was no different. Eddie still curled on his side though, even if he did prefer sleeping on his stomach starfish style, to give Buck as much space as he could. Buck’s even breathing filled the silence before Eddie drifted off.

Eddie ignored the first shift of the mattress. He was warm. Comfortable. The haze of sleep pulled him back under. Till the mattress shifted. Again. And again.

He forced his eyes open.

“Buck?”

“Sorry.”

“Don’t be sorry.” He sat up, rather ungracefully, to look over at Buck.

From what he could make out in the dark, he looked pale and uncomfortable.

“Ribs? Or leg?”

“Both.” Buck groaned.

“Shit.”

“Yeah.” He breathed.

“Uh? More acetaminophen? I don’t know what else I have. I can look.” Eddie offered.

“No.” He sighed. “I already took what I can, and Maddie keeps going on and on about how I could fry my liver and…”

Eddie knew that if he felt better, he might continue on to share the findings of one of his many research binges. He knew Buck would’ve confirmed whatever Maddie had mentioned.

“Okay. How I can help? You gotta sleep, bud.”

“I _know_.”

Perhaps it was his tired eyes playing tricks on him, making him see more than what was there, but he swore a tear slipped down Buck’s cheek. He wanted to wipe it away but kept his hands to himself. His stomach twisted.

He hated this.

“Hold on a sec.”

Eddie scanned his bathroom cabinet. It was woefully empty; he’d done a proper cleanout on his last day off with the intentions of restocking today after shift before picking up Chris. Which hadn’t happened. He’d have to go tomorrow.

There. Muscle cream. At least that hadn’t made it to the bin. He tossed it on the bed, careful to avoid Buck, before turning to the kitchen. He grabbed a pack of markers from the little office nook in the kitchen, before returning to the bedroom and tossing the markers too.

“Okay, muscle cream I get.” Buck said, turning over the pack in his hands. He was sitting up now. “But these?”

“Uh, we’ll get to that.” Eddie knew it was a silly idea. He didn’t want Buck dismissing it till he at least tried. “Can you take off your sweatpants?”

“What?”

“Muscle cream.” He said simply.

“Yeah, but I was just gonna go to the bathroom and you know… deal with it.” Buck cringed. Eddie was just thankful Buck might laugh; he took that as a good sign circumstances considered. “Not _that_. My leg.”

“I mean you can, but.” He’d done this before.

Before the lawsuit. Before the tsunami. During rehab. After it. He had never felt so awkward and out of place about it as he did now.

Buck shifted, pulling off the sweatpants in answer. Fair enough.

There was some awkward shifting, some awkward I-Don’t-Know-What-To-With-My-Hands, till Buck was situated in the middle of his bed. He was quiet as he carefully touched Buck’s thigh, where he knew the cramps and tightness were worst. His touch was careful at first. It was a fine line between heavy pressure and too much. He watched Buck’s face. He’d turned on the bedside lamp and with Buck’s eyes closed, Eddie didn’t feel so shy about looking.

Buck’s face was still pinched, but he could see the ease creeping in as his hands worked. When Buck made a sound, a cross between a groan and sigh, he knew he’d found the right rhythm.

He wasn’t sure how long he messaged Buck’s leg. Green numbers blinked back at him from his bedside table. One thirty-eight am. Without a point of reference, the time was useless. It could’ve have been twenty minutes. It could’ve been forty. Time had shifted into something unrecognizable as his thoughts raced around his head and his fingers moved on autopilot.

It used to be uncomplicated. Buck was his best friend. Chris loved him.

Simple.

His emotions lately were mixed up. A jumbled mess that reminded him of Shannon in ways he wasn’t quite sure how to navigate. How to acknowledge. There was anger there. At the lawsuit. At the tsunami. At the bombing. At the world.

But not a Buck. Not anymore. He was sure about that at least.

Eddie shifted off the bed, careful to not disturb Buck. He wasn’t quite sure if he was sleeping, but his face was calm, so Eddie hoped he was. Maybe he’d be sleeping on the couch, after all. With Buck positioned more in the middle of the bed, Eddie wouldn’t fit. Nor did he have the heart to disturb him.

He switched off the light, resigning himself to the fact he’d be lucky to get a few hours on the damned couch. Maybe he should invest in a better couch, especially with Buck over so often. Eddie dreaded sleeping on it whenever Abuela slept over since Chris wasn’t up to sleepovers at her’s yet. He could never get comfortable on it. At least Buck wasn’t sleeping on it tonight.

“The markers?” Buck cracked open one blue eye to stare at him.

Eddie paused in his doorway.

“Uh, don’t laugh.” He warned. “It’s an idea I got from Chris’s therapist. Whenever he can’t sleep or he had a bad nightmare, he’ll pick out something for me to draw and I’ll doodle on his back. Obliviously you shouldn’t roll over, but uh maybe I can draw on your shoulder or something?”

Buck was silent for a second and Eddie wanted to shrink where he stood. It was silly and embarrassing and Buck was a grown man who probably thought it was absurd and –

“Will you draw a firetruck?” Buck’s question interrupted his spiraling thoughts. Eddie only grinned in response.

It was less awkward this go around, helping Buck shift over to his original position so Eddie didn’t have to squeeze himself on the edge of the bed. Buck took off his shirt with a wince. Eddie settled on his stomach. There was no way he could draw something half decent sat hunched over Buck. Not that drawing decently was the point, getting Buck to sleep was, but he was just a little prideful.

A bit.

Eddie wouldn’t be winning any prizes for his drawings, but he liked to think the cartoonish style he had was at least _something_. Fire trucks were easy, and he pulled out the red marker, trying not to acknowledge Buck’s watchful eyes.

His eyes felt too intense for nearly two am in the dark. Sending another rush of thoughts as his eyes lingered on Eddie’s face: Buck’s blue eyes, the way his eyebrows scrunched up when he was thinking, the little hum he’d do when he was content – usually with his own cooking when he made Chris pancakes or helped Eddie cooked. He was humming now, maybe a song current on the radio.

Eddie pushed the thoughts away.

He needed simple. And for Buck to sleep. If only so he could escape his gaze.

Buck was still awake as he finished the firetruck, opting out of filling in the empty space with color. Eddie hesitated, unsure if to continue. Buck nodded slightly.

“It’s helping.” He whispered.

Eddie decided on blue swirls. Up and down his arm, surrounding the fire truck. When he ran out space, he moved on to his shoulder. Then his chest, thankful the broken ribs were on his left side, not the right he was drawing on. He fell asleep like that. Blue marker half capped underneath his chest, on his stomach dangerously close to Buck. Buck’s own arm draped across his back.

Fuck his alarm.

He gritted his teeth at the annoyance, reached his arm out to quiet it. Except he was too far from it, still tucked close to Buck. Eddie extracted himself carefully, turning off the offending noise quickly.

He left Buck to sleep.

Chris’s curls poked up from his blankets. No twisted covers or disturbed toys to indicate a troubled sleep. Good. Lucky for Eddie, Chris was easy to wake, always excited to start the day. His energy was dangerously infectious, the best when that energy was positive and gooey in a way that made his heart swell.

“Hey, superman. You starting to wake up?”

“Maybe” The covers voiced back.

“Can I check?”

“No!” Chris giggled.

“Not even a little bit?” Eddie’s hand rested on the covers, waiting a second before pulling them down to reveal his kid’s beautiful, bright smile. God, Eddie loved his kid.

“Daaad! You cheated. You’re supposed to wait till I say yes.”

“But how could I wait when I know you’re smiling under there!”

“Dad?”

“Hm.”

“Why do you have blue marker on your face?” Chris asked, reaching up to tap on his chin, his cheek, his nose, and his eyebrow.

Eddie held Chris’s hand against his cheek for a second, wanting the moment to linger a little bit longer. These were the moments that he held onto. When the world was going shit around the 118, when the air was so thick with smoke that he couldn’t tell up from down, when there was nothing else left. _This_ is what kept him going.

“I was helping Buck sleep.” Eddie explained, still not wanting to let go of Chris’s hand yet. Though he did relax his grip some, leaving it up to Chris.

“Oh.” Chris said, before patting his cheek. “Is he still asleep?”

Eddie nodded.

“Then we should be extra quiet.” He said seriously.

“Good idea, buddy.” Eddie helped him out of bed. His heart squeezed as he watched Chris make his way to the bathroom. There was so much that he did on his own now. So much that he didn’t want Eddie’s help with anymore. He was proud, of course, but he couldn’t help but wished that he’d known when the last time was for those moments so he could get one last picture. So, he could make sure it was stuck in his brain with no chance of forgetting.

He got breakfast ready - an almost sad bowl of cereal and a banana. He knew that Chris was disappointed by the small frown his son attempted to hide. Buck made pancakes whenever he slept over or if he came over early enough. He would’ve made eggs, but the last time he’d done so, Chris had pushed them around without eating much. Despite his cooking skills improving, albeit slowly, thanks to Buck and Bobby (and Abuela too, she’d be pissed if Eddie didn’t credit her), it was easier to go with cereal. After, they worked through their stretches.

Chris was uncharacteristically silent over breakfast and through their stretches. Eddie would’ve been concerned if it weren’t for the exaggerated shushes he gave Eddie every time he spoke too loudly or bumped the table.

Damn his heart. It was gonna burst out of chest at this rate.

With Chris preoccupied checking over his backpack, he took the moment to check on Buck. Still asleep, he’d tilted towards Eddie’s spot. Eddie pulled the covers higher across Buck’s chest. And then, before he could think about, before he could tell himself all the reasons it was an idiotic idea, he kissed Buck. It was more of a peck, really, but all the same he hesitated to pull away.

Buck smiled against his lips, bright blues eyes peering up at him.

Eddie’s heart plummeted into his stomach as he sat up.

“G’morning.” Buck smiled; voice still raspy with sleep. Eddie had heard that particular lilt of his voice so many times before. Now it rattled around in Eddie’s brain. Buck didn’t seem to notice. “Is it Chris time yet?”

“Uh.” His palms were sweaty. He wiped them against sweatpants. Eddie hadn’t changed yet. At this rate, he was going to be dropping Chris off in them. “Not yet. I uh got take him to school.”

“Cool. I’ll see him after.” Buck murmured before his eyes fluttered shut and he was asleep again.

“Get some sleep.” Eddie whispered.

Yeah, he was in deep shit.

Chris chattered the entire car ride. About the alien cupcakes, about the bottle rocket Eddie bought for him last week, about two of his classmates arguing over the class pet, about going to Abuela’s tomorrow. Eddie matched his enthusiasm to the best degree he could. Chris was too good, too intuitive for his own good where emotions were concerned. He latched onto emotions too fiercely. Most of the time, it meant that Chris came up with the perfect words to say. The kind of words that walked him back from a dangerous thought. The kind that sunk into his heart and made me smile. But it also meant that if he was worried, he kept things to himself in fear of upsetting Eddie. An adult worry for a kid too young to have any business worrying about those things. And Eddie knew, that to some degree, he got that idea because Eddie had modeled the behavior. He had to do better for his kid. He never wanted Chris to hide things.

“Patrick is doing a sleepover for his birthday!”

“Cool! Patrick is the one who lives in the orange house, right?” It was blue, actually, but he liked to play clueless to get a laugh.

“Dad, it’s blue.” Chris said in an overly annoyed voice, though, the smile told Eddie it wasn’t that serious. “I’ve told you like… a _billion_ times.”

“Uh-huh.” Eddie said, dramatically tapping his chin. “Are you sure it’s not maroon? When is this party, anyway?”

Chris was silent.

He glanced up in the mirror. Chris was studiously staring out of the window. “Buds, what’s up?”

“You’re not gonna let me go.”

His voice sounded so defeated. His heart plummeted for the second time this morning. I’d be a miracle if Eddie’s heart survived the day.

Eddie suppressed his sigh. He wished they were having this conversation at home. He wanted to see Chris’s face, make sure he was alright. Selfishly, he wished Buck was here too. If only so he had someone else to help.

“Why do you think that, Chris? I didn’t know he was having a party.” He pulled into the drop off carline, thankful it was backed up. At least he’d get a few extra minutes to sort this out.

“You won’t let me sleep over at Abuela’s!”

Eddie twisted in his seat, his hand settling on Chris’s knee. “Hey. I- “And okay. It clicked. The last and only time Chris had slept over at Abuela’s house, he’d woken up from a nightmare that frightened him so bad Abuela couldn’t calm him down and he’d wanted to come home immediately. Eddie hadn’t pushed the idea since then. Maybe he should’ve. It’d been months since then and weeks without a nightmare.

“I’m sorry.” He said squeezing Chris’s knee. “Look at me, mijo.” Eddie waited till Chris was no longer staring at the window. He hated seeing the hint of tears. “I am sorry I haven’t asked about sleeping over at Abuela’s since the last time. That is on _me_.” And it was. Completely and utterly his fault. Part of being a parent was expanding your kid’s horizons and since the tsunami, he’d curled inward. “When is this party?”

“Tomorrow night.”

“Okay.” Eddie breathed. “We’re still going to Abuela’s in the morning, but I think we can still make it work.”

“Really?”

Eddie nodded. “We’ll pick a toy out after school.”

“Can Buck help?” Chris had already perked up considerably but mentioning Buck had him back to usually smiley self. Eddie didn’t mind.

“If he’s feeling up to it.” Eddie told him, twisting back to his seat.

After Chris was successfully dropped up, and in good enough spirits that he was listing off toy ideas as he entered school, he shot a quick text to Buck that he’d be stopping at the drug store and then for bagels. With a follow up text explaining that Buck was under strict orders to go back to sleep.

He shut off the car, falling back into his seat. He had plenty of tough mornings before. Tantrums about not going to school, running late because that just seemed to happen a lot as a single dad, a lot of tears after Shannon’s death. A lot of mornings, initially, after the tsunami where Eddie wasn’t quite sure what he was going to do because Chris didn’t want to brush his teeth or where anything liquid, including food and drinks, was met with a firm no. Those had been the hardest. But they’d gotten through it. Carla had been a godsend, still was, helping them find alternatives.

They hadn’t needed lidded cups or straws in quite some time now that Eddie stopped to think about it properly.

So, he hadn’t a tough morning in a while. He was unprepared for it. Even if he knew that as far as tough mornings went, this was hardly dented the surface as horrible, it still stung. It still left him feeling like he’d been up eight hours already instead of just two.

He called Abuela as he entered the store. There was a lot he needed to sort through. Starting with Chris was safest. Abuela, as expected, was happy to accommodate her day with Chris so he could go to his sleepover. She was happy. It was a big step. Eddie was happy too. And a little scared. Which Abuela picked up on, smoothing over his worries in her warm voice.

The medicine cabinet now sufficiently stocked, that left bagels. And Buck.

Eddie didn’t know Buck’s were _blue_. Objectively, he knew his eyes were blue, but up close he hadn’t expected them to be so sparkling.

He also knew he loved Buck.

He knew he loved Buck. Except. Except that love no longer fit in the neat, tidy box of best friend. It was deeper than that. It was more complex, confusing even. He loved Bucked.

And that terrified him.

He didn’t know when the shift happened. When it shifted from familial to…Just that it shifted into something more. Not all consuming, but close. As close as it could be without acknowledging it. Maybe the bombing, or the embolism, or the tsunami. Or maybe in the quiet moments between those. Before those. On the ladder truck, at the dining table in the station, on the couch after Chris had gone to bed and they stayed up to share beers.

Eddie didn’t know how to squeeze It back into that tiny box. He didn’t know how to go back know that he _knew_.

Eddie loved Buck.

He loved him, but. But he had Chris and he wouldn’t, not for a second, put him in danger. He wouldn’t risk Chris’s relationship with Buck. Chris loved Buck so much, he didn’t want his son to lose someone so valuable. He lost his mom. He couldn’t lose Buck too if he fucked it up.

He paid for the bagels, ignoring the pit forming in his stomach.

Eddie would apologize for the kiss. He would make his feelings fit in that claustrophobic box. It might kill him a little, but he’d do it.

Buck had moved, because of course he had, from his bed to the couch.

Eddie blinked at him.

“You didn’t wash it off.”

Buck hadn’t changed out of the sleep clothes either. Eddie didn’t mind. His firetruck and blue swirls hadn’t been disturbed despite Buck being up long enough to wash his face from the dampness that still clung to his hair.

Buck shrugged – a gentler motion than the full-bodied motion it usually was. “Why? It’s an Eddie Diaz original.”

Eddie shook his head not trusting himself to speak.

He settled on the couch before passing over the bagels for Buck to take his pick. He’d bought a few extra. Buck would insist on making pancakes tomorrow, if he stayed over, which was likely considering his ribs – Chris would insist, and Eddie wouldn’t object – Eddie didn’t want him over doing it.

The same nature documentary was on.

Both were silent as they ate. Buck stretched out so that his back was against one end of the couch and his feet were in Eddie’s lap. Eddie didn’t care all that much that Buck’s feet were dangerously close to his bagel.

Buck kicked him in the shoulder. Not hard. But still.

“What the fuck.”

“You’re not supposed to be thinking so hard, Eds. It’s a nature documentary. Sit back and relax a little will you. Think any harder and steam is gonna come out of your ears.”

“What?”

“Stop thinking, Eds. Your concentration face makes you looked constipated.”

Eddie sighed. “How I can sit back and relax when you’re taking up all the room?”

Buck flicked cream cheese at him. “Correction: I’m taking up _most_ of the room. You’re taking up _some_ of the room. With your giant ass and all that thinking.”

Eddie rubbed his face.

“Hello. Earth to Eddie. What’s got you thinking so hard? Is it Chris? He was quiet this morning.”

“You were awake?” Shit. There went his hopes that Buck didn’t remember the kiss at all, lost to a dreamy haze.

Buck shrugged. “I stirred a little and then fell back asleep. I didn’t wake up till you were gone. Anyway, Chris?”

Chris. Right. Eddie could talk about Chris for days. “Yeah, he uh. He was upset with me.”

“Why?”

Concern etched across Buck’s face. Eddie dropped his head back against the couch, staring up at the ceiling.

“There’s this sleepover he wants to go to, and he didn’t even tell me about it. Not till he was blowing up about how I was just gonna tell him no.”

“Were you gonna say no?”

“I – “Eddie sighed. “Honestly, I don’t know.”

“Because of the nightmare at Abuela’s?” Buck knew; Eddie had told him on the next shift after it happened. It had spooked Eddie. After two weeks free of nightmares, it’d been a pretty serious one from Abuela’s account. Chris didn’t talk about them often and Eddie still didn’t know how much too push there. He tried to be a grounding presence, letting Chris direct him when he had a nightmare for whatever he needed.

And he hadn’t been there.

“Eds, you can’t live in fear of the next set back.” Buck said, pushing his shoulder with his foot again so Eddie wouldn’t interrupt him. “I’m serious. Chris is gonna have nightmares again. He might have them here, or Abeula’s, or Peppa’s, or at a friend’s. If he’s not with you, he’ll call.”

“But he didn’t _tell_ me about the sleepover.”

“So, what? He’s a _kid_.”

Eddie blinked back tears. “If he can’t tell me stuff, that means I’m failing as a father. I want him to be honest, to feel like there’s nothing he ever has to hide. I – “

He looked down when something – Buck –tugged at wrists. Buck had sat up and leaned over, to quite literally pull Eddie from his thoughts.

“Slow down there’s, Eds.” His voice was both gentle and forceful. “Chris is a kid. Sometimes kids keep shit to themselves just cause they can.”

“Yeah, but not Chris.”

“Even Chris.” Buck said firmly. “You know I love him, but he’s gonna do kid things. Which sometimes means doing stuff that doesn’t really make sense to us. Are you letting him go?”

Eddie nodded.

“Then nothing to worry about. And don’t you dare but me. Finish your bagel.”

So, Eddie did.

“Was that the only thing bothering you?” Eddie dodged the crumpled-up bagel wrapper thrown his way. Buck was such a child sometimes. All the time.

It wasn’t. But saying that there was only invited further questioning. And Eddie couldn’t. He couldn’t tell Buck he was struggling to make his love fit in a simple box. He couldn’t say that he loved him. He couldn’t say anything at all.

Eddie shook his head as stood and stretched. He was still sore, but nowhere near as bad as last night. Buck hadn’t complained. For some it might be a good sign, with Buck it wasn’t so clear. He had an awful habit of internalizing things, so Eddie gave him a careful look. He didn’t look to be in pain. He looked relaxed even.

“Well, since you’re fine, and I’m the one with broken ribs, I’ll be picking the next movie.”

Eddie rolled his eyes. “Go ahead, Buckaroo. I got chores to do, anyway. Pick anything you want.”

“Oh, I will.”

Buck’s voice followed him around the house. As he restocked the bathroom cabinet, cleaned the shower, tackled Chris’s bathroom, then his bedroom (which had too many toys, it was time for another donation soon), and a load of laundry that he refused to fold near Buck. Buck had made it through two documentaries by the time Eddie returned to the couch and was contemplating what to order in for lunch.

“Is the kid eight or nine? For the sleepover.”

“Nine. Why?” While cleaning Chris’s bedroom he’d found the trashed invitation. He texted the mother, apologizing for the late rsvp before explaining, briefly, that Chris might have some trouble sleeping. The mother didn’t seem fazed, reassuring that she’d call if needed.

“I mean the year probably doesn’t make much a difference, but I’m looking at gift guides and it wouldn’t hurt to know.”

Eddie raised an eyebrow. “Is this what you’ve been doing the whole time?”

“You left me all alone, Eds, to clean. I had to do something to contribute. How else can I help Chris pick out the perfect toy?”

“Oh? Who said you were helping on that front?”

“Uh, cause I’m Uncle Bucky. _Christopher_ loves me. Unlike you, Eds. I think I might be starving.”

Eddie shook his head. “Why didn’t you help yourself to something from the fridge? We all know you’re not shy about food.” Hen and Bobby had both smacked him repeatedly from reaching into pans and pots to help himself.

“Broken ribs, Eddie. Someone ordered me to not move so much.”

Buck was gonna be the death of him.

“Okay, fine. Thai or pizza? You get to choose, your highness.”

“Actually…” Buck trailed off. At this rate, Eddie was going to die on the couch. “I was kinda wondering if you were gonna bring up the whole kissing thing. Cause, Eds, come on. If you’re gonna kiss me, you should do it properly. I mean I had morning breath. And you _still_ wanted to kiss me? That’s really something.”

If Eddie stared any harder there was gonna be a hole in the coffee table.

“I thought you were asleep.” He said quietly.

“Okay.” Buck paused. “Because I was I kinda only a little asleep and I still kinda wanna kiss you. Like properly. Come on, Eds. Look at me. _Please_.”

Eddie did. Lips pressed tight, his gaze shifting as he wasn’t sure where to settle on. He couldn’t quite reach Buck’s eyes.

“ _Edmundo_.”

Eddie met his eyes.

“I _like_ you. I’m trying to say that, and I don’t think I’m doing a very good job at it. But I like you. And Chris. And what we have. And I understand if you don’t, but can we talk about it? If you don’t feel the same way, then that’s fine. I won’t bring it up again, okay?”

“Yeah.”

Buck frowned. “Yeah, I shouldn’t bring it up again or yeah, you like me?”

“Yeah, I like you.” Eddie sucked in a breath. “I like you and maybe it might be a little more than that, but I just. I don’t know if it would work out?”

“Why not?” Buck didn’t say it accusingly. Eddie couldn’t decipher his tone completely, but it wasn’t malicious. There was no ill intent in his question.

“Because of Chris. He can’t lose you.”

“He won’t.”

“You don’t know that.”

“Here’s what I know: I love Christopher. You love Christopher. Whatever happens, we’ll sort it out.”

“I just. I don’t want to hurt him.”

“You won’t.”

Eddie shook his head. “You don’t know that for sure.”

“No one knows anything for sure, Eds. But I know we both love that kid. So, whatever happens between us, that isn’t changing.”

Eddie nodded. Buck was right. “There’s a lot to figure out.”

“There is.” Buck agreed, an infectious smile lighting up his face. “But I think were both hungry. Let’s figure that out first.”

Eddie laughed. He loved Christopher. He loved Buck. He loved _Evan_. He didn’t know exactly where that left them, but he knew he wanted to try.

“I think I said it was up to you.”

“You did.” Buck grinned. “Let’s do pizza. We should save Thai for a date night.”

Eddie agreed, leaning over to give him a quick kiss, before reaching for his phone. “Genius idea.”

**Author's Note:**

> Hello! I hope you enjoyed this fic! It was meant to be a little ficlet and turned into this lol. This is my first fic in ages so please be gentle, but comments and constructive criticism are welcome.  
> If there's something you'd like to request, you can request it at 911firefam on tumblr!


End file.
